This changes everything.

Two days ago Brady was diagnosed with Autism.  Was I surprised?  No.  Was I saddened?  Deeply.  I had hoped that the diagnosis would be anything else, something we could cure with medications or therapy.  Something that was not so pervasive and that wouldn't indicate a life-long struggle for Brady.  I was sad for his future.  I was sad for our future, and Nathan's.  This was not the life I had imagined for us.  But this is not the first curve-ball that's been thrown at us.  And if I have learned anything in my life, it is that these challenges shape who we are, bring out our strengths, and bring us closer to those who support us.

This changes everything.  It changes the way I see Brady.  It changes the way I look at the world.  I will become a detective, a scientist, a nutritionist, a teacher- studying every detail that may throw Brady's senses out of whack and cause a meltdown.  I will be patient.  More patient than I ever thought possible.  I used to hate that word during the adoption process- I wanted to scream every time someone told me to be patient.  Now I see that was a warm-up.  Just a little 5K to train me for the upcoming marathon.

Here is the bright side: this diagnosis is a relief.  It validates all the struggles we have had.  It tells me that we were not bad parents, doing something wrong to cause the behaviors we've dealt with on a daily basis.  It takes some pressure off me to not be constantly correcting Brady's behaviors to shape him into a "typical" kid.  It brings me comfort to know that many many parents have walked in our shoes, and I will find abundant support and resources.

And this changes nothing.  Brady is still the same child he was last week.  He is sweet, infectiously joyous, and smart.  As I tell him every day, I am lucky to be his mom.